Part 2: You Know You’re Becoming More British and Less American When…

It no longer grosses you out that garlic mayo comes with your pizza delivery. (To American readers: they use garlic mayo ON the pizza.)

You put the accent on the second syllable and use the preposition “at,” and say “at the weekEND” instead of, “this WEEKend”.

You start using “me” as a personal pronoun, i.e. “I forgot me phone.”

You find yourself saying, “You alright?” even if that person isn’t bleeding. (It is said as a greeting.)

You figure out that the subway isn’t a subway like it is in New York.

You call them “Boris Bikes.”

You give in and ask for “chips” and not “fries.” And you further cave by referring to potato “crisps” not “chips.”

You no longer think someone is giving their dog a treat when they say they have “biscuits.” They are actually offering YOU a treat.

You accept that fruit doesn’t taste like fruit. (OK, I exaggerate but I used to live in Italy.)

You’re no longer startled by the term “knife crime.” (there’s a hashtag for it that you see everywhere.)

And they always spell out the obvious: “you increase your chances of being seriously injured or killed.” And they love a rhyming slogan.

You start using the terms: “fair enough”, “loo” (and it’s attendant “loo roll”), “lift, “the till”, “mate,” “take away,” and “petrol.”

(And you know you should be putting the comma after quote marks — oh sorry, I mean inverted commas — but you can’t bring yourself to do it.)

You FINALLY figure out that “hard core” doesn’t refer to porn.

It is “pissing” down rain (which proves they KNOW the meaning, they just chose not to use it; you go for a “wee”, not a “piss.”)

And yet, If you’re “pissed”, you are drunk, not angry.

You might not be able to bring yourself to call it a “jumper” but at least you know what it means. (I am resistant because they laugh when I say “sweater” as if “jumper” makes more sense. I mean, really? At least a sweater might make you sweat, but I’ve never seen anyone leap because they were wearing a “jumper.”)

You start putting the definite article ”the” in front of the word “football” and leave it off in front of “hospital”. Thus: “He got so excited watching the football, that he jumped –he was wearing a jumper! — out of his seat and fell and had to go to hospital.”

It’s not so weird anymore that the British put the cheese on the OUTSIDE of their grilled cheese sandwiches and call them “toasties.”

In the UK a “bag” is a derogatory term for a woman who supposedly nags a lot, and Tesco is a supermarket. So, you get the following joke: Tesco has come out with a dating app but be careful! My mate used it and he ended up with a “bag for life.”

You know there’s no surgery happening at your GP Surgery.

You put xx’s at the end of every flipping text message you send. (And you say “flipping” instead of you-know-what.)

A gherkin refers to either a pickle or a building.

You “get things sorted” rather than “figuring things out.”

And the big tell that you’re becoming more British: you find Americans to be rather loud.

My ears have become more delicate.

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