I Meet a Nice Family From Saudi Arabia

“There are 32 pods to represent the 32 boroughs of Greater London, up to 25 people to a pod and it takes 30 minutes to make a full rotation. They thought they’d keep it around only a few years but here we are 18 years later, and 10,000 people ride the London Eye every day. Last year, 4 million!” I was atop a double decker tour bus on a gorgeous sunny day, getting ready for the mini chaos that occurs at the Westminster Bridge stop, where lots of customers get on and off.

Down on the pavement, I see people waving. One of my colleagues, a ticket-seller, is with them. It’s a family, it seems. Mom, dad, two children. The mother is wearing a headscarf; it’s an Arab family. We get lots of Arab families on the busses. I look behind me to see who they are waving at — oh! they are waving at me! They are grinning so wide, they are so happy to see me and I have to squint to see their faces and I suddenly recognize the father. Once they see that I know who they are, they all start laughing and the little girl starts jumping up and down. I meet hundreds of people so it’s not easy and also I am very new in this job so it’s all been a bit overwhelming. So my memory of them is not precise but it is a tender one.

Continue reading

Hashtag Be More Hamy

I want to tell you about my friend, Hamy.

That’s not her real name. Protect the innocent, all that crap. So Hamy… how do I describe. She KILLS ME. She is amazing and outrageous and nutty in the best possible way.

This is  what she did today:

WhatsApp Image 2018-07-23 at 15.44.04

I mean how many people do you know that would sit in a large seagull on a sweltering hot day in London on the South Bank near Tower Bridge? Not many.

Continue reading

US vs. UK vs. Italy: Some Brilliant Observations that I Have Made

I’ve lived in the States, Italy and now the UK. Here are some brilliant-if-I-say-so-myself-I-hope-you-understand-this-is-tongue-in-cheeky observations and comparisons:

Men
UK: Football and beer
US: Football and beer
Italy: Football and mamma

Good-lookingness
US: Quite the range
UK: That damn weak chin
Italy: The fuckers are all drop- dead gorgeous

Continue reading

Bruna Auditions for Covent Garden!

For reasons that are not completely clear at the moment, I decided that Bruna performing at Covent Garden was a good idea. If you don’t know who Bruna is, see below:

She’s a character that I’ve performed off and on for many years and figures largely in the one woman show I did at last years’ Brighton Fringe. She not exactly shy, she gets excited by the littlest of things, she’s rather outrageous and I do often speak of her in the third person because when I perform her, she takes over. It’s kinda weird that way.

Continue reading

i went to the library today

i’ve always loved books. my folks would find me the next morning with a book on my face. i actually couldn’t put the book down. (i am not-so-silently protesting the over- and incorrect use of the word  “literally” although it really would be better in that sentence than “actually”.)

it didn’t even have to be books. just words.back of the milk carton at breakfast, dad’s paper (pops often went elsewhere to read, think it was his excuse to get some alone time) after he was done. watergate and all that. and ads for cars. not a lotta words that but something to keep my brain busy.

Continue reading

Word of the Year – Trumpery

showy-w-face

Showy But Useless

A couple of weeks ago, the word of the day from wordsmith.org was “trumpery.” It’s an actual word. Trumpery is an old-fashioned term that refers to something showy but useless. Huh. I suppose we could think of an example… Something showy… hmmm. Showy but useless. Gosh, I’m coming up empty – let’s see if the dictionary has an example. Oh, here’s one from vocabulary.com:  Your huge collection of salt and pepper shakers is nothing but trumpery. Oh, okay, I got one: Your huuuuuuuge collection of denials of groping is nothing but trumpery.

Continue reading

Trump Wins, Hell Freezes Over, Kills Both Trump and Pence, Clinton Declared Winner by Supreme Court: A Report from the Future. (and the news is good!) (well, not the stuff about the moose) (granny stuff is cool, though)

newspaper-3-page-001

Continue reading

CODE ORANGE!!!! UNLESS WE MOP ‘NUF!!

160711_r28386-900x1200-1467237233

 

The tens of thousands of fans who come to his rallies, the blind loyalty, the infamous oath-taking: they are fed up, feel held down and are over the moon with this man with bizarre hair and even more disturbing pigment. And they will all vote. Nothing is going to stop the Trump supporters – hell, high water, sleet, hurricane, tornado, twister, or an audience with Pope Francis. They will be at the election booths on Tuesday, November 8. Every last one of them will exercise their right to vote. The polls don’t matter: the only thing that counts is who votes on Tuesday the 8th of November.

 

Michael Moore has said, “… there is no doubt in my mind that if people could vote from their couch at home on their X-box or PlayStation, Hillary would win in a landslide.” But it takes something to get off one’s butt and to the polling station. It takes excitement — and Hillary doesn’t provide that the way Bernie did. Maybe, you’d think it takes fear. As entertaining as he is, the thought of Trump as President scares the absolute bejesus out of me. But not as many people seem to feel that as I had thought.So THAT doesn’t seem to be getting people to vote for Hillary either.

And once again, it is going to be those darn battleground states that are going to determine if our country goes ORANGE. Dear God, Help us. (no, seriously, if Someone Up There is listening, I am asking for help.)

Here are the most important swing states (there are others but right now these are the top ones — and this could change!):

Michigan

Ohio

Pennsylvania

North Carolina

… and the state that gave us George Bush with a mere 537 votes: Florida.

Michigan = 1; Ohio =2; Pennsylvania =3, North Carolina = 4 and Florida = 5.

Michigan = 1; Ohio =2; Pennsylvania =3, North Carolina = 4 and Florida = 5.

I’m going to remember it with the expression, MOP NuF.

M – MICHIGAN

O – OHIO

P – PENNSYLVANIA

N – NORTH CAROLINA

F – FLORIDA

If we “mop enough”, we can defeat Trump. If we MOP NuF of that orange off his face, he will go back under the rock from he came from. If we MOP NuF of the bullshit off this insane narrative about “Crooked Hillary”, maybe we got a chance of avoiding the culture of hate that would be our future under a Trump presidency. (“Trump” and “presidency” in the same sentence freaks me out.) If we MOP NuF of the disillusionment off the undecided voters or people who are not planning to vote in these FIVE states…. we can have a lady president!

IS SHE THRILLING AND WONDERFUL AND PERFECT? NOOOOOOOOOO!! Has she made mistakes? You bet. She shot herself in the foot with that email State Department stuff.  BUT: Will she continue the work that Barack Obama has been doing? Yes, Yes, a thousand times yes. WILL SHE CREATE A CLIMATE OF HATE LIKE HE-WHO-CANNOT-BE-CALLED BY NAME? (He IS the closest thing to Voldemort that I can think of.) No, no, a thousand times no: she will not.

So who do you know in the MOP NuF states? Got buddies there, family, contacts? Get on the horn, on Facebook and start sharing your EXCITEMENT about breaking the barrier about a female president and/or put the FEAR of God in them because…

if there is a potentially violent person with mental issues in the hospital and a show of force is needed, it’s called a Code Orange.

WE ARE IN CODE ORANGE. 

donald-trump-ny-daily-news-code-orange-featured-image

 

 

Trump Trumps Logic

He is entertaining. He is. God, I love that hair. And that apricot face. I love it so much that I’ve taken to swirling my hair around my head, throwing orange paint on my face, putting on a suit, repeating and exaggerating  what he says, performing him at comedy shows and making people laugh.

See, look:

Continue reading

Sometimes It’s Weird Being an American Expat

 

yankee doodle

I’m on my second experience as an expat. The first time in Italy and now in England. In both countries the United States is put on some other level. Like way up there, in the clouds, floating up up up, above everything and everyone else.

Italians are more than willing to crank up their necks to look up to it. They become obsequious at the thought of an American in the vicinity. There’s not that much crime in Rome but I’d always figured that I could wiggle my way out of a tight spot if I told my would-be assailant that I was from New York. Handing back my wallet, he’d say, “Veramente? Really? The Big Apple, New York?? I grattacieli! The skyscrapers. I hear you can make a Continue reading