I’ve lived in the States, Italy and now the UK. Here are some brilliant-if-I-say-so-myself-I-hope-you-understand-this-is-tongue-in-cheeky observations and comparisons:

Men
UK: Football and beer
US: Football and beer
Italy: Football and mamma

Good-lookingness
US: Quite the range
UK: That damn weak chin
Italy: The fuckers are all drop- dead gorgeous

Fashion style
US: Outside of NY and parts of California, no.
UK: No
Italy: It’s not simply that outfits match. Whatever is put on is simply perfect.

Driving
UK: Safely but on the wrong side of the road. (Editors note: The writer is American. Also, I am the writer.)
US: 55mph national speed limit.
Italy: Drive your mopeds on sidewalks if you need to.

Locks on doors
Uk: Clever the way the doors lock – pulling the handle up to get that deadbolt through the door
Italy: Those ridiculously long keys.
US: Who needs locks. We have guns.

What to do at a stop sign
US:You stop.
UK: You stop
Italy: What stop sign? Who needs to stop? They can stop.

Food
There is no comparison. You haven’t eaten a tomato until you’ve had one in Italy.

Heath and safety
US: As long as it doesn’t cost money
Italy: Yea, yea, whatever.
UK: A national obsession.

Work ethic
UK / UK: Similar.
Italy: Work ethic? That’s hilarious. Sit down and have a cornetto and cappuccino. They’ll open the office eventually.

Public tranport
UK: Good and expensive as feck
US: Good, expensive in cities.
Italy: Public transport? Thats hilarious! Sit down and have a pizza. The bus will come eventually.

Socks
UK: If you live here long enough you WILL start wearing mismatched socks. It’s a law &/or DNA issue apparently.
Italy: Perfect in color, texture etc. Always.
US: Whatever. Can always buy more at Costco.

The currency
US: Green
UK: The queen
Italy: Bring back the lira!

What students call the teacher
UK: Miss
Italy: Professore
USA: Yo!

The aged
UK: Taken care of
Italy: Revered
US: Fuck ‘em

Politeness
UK: At risk of death
US: If it doesn’t cost me anything, sure.
Italy: Why should I be the one to be polite?! They can be polite, no?

Sunglasses; specifically, how to wear them
US and UK: Like normal people do
Italy: On the back of your head.

Overused word
US: awesome
UK: literally
Italy: cazzo

Pronunciation of “th” as in “thing”
US: thing
Italy: ting
UK: fing

Queues
UK: Yes, it’s true, we queue even at bus stops.
US: What the hell’s a queue? You mean, wait in line? Well, if we gotta.
Italy: Queue at the buffet table until the food arrives; then it’s every man for himself.

Smoking
US: Looked down upon
UK: People will roll eyes
Italy: They envy Third World countries with loose laws.

Career goal
Italy: Job for life as an “employee” or just live with mamma and pappa.
US: Work hard, play hard, become an alcoholic
UK: Become an alcoholic regardless.

Streets
US: Big
UK: Not so big.
Italy: This, they resolved. Small fucking cars.

Underground transport system:
US: The subway in NYC has 472 stations.
UK: London Tube 270.
Italy: In Rome, there were 2 lines, A and B for about 50 years. They intersect in one spot. Now there a third line, interestingly called Line C. Now the system intersects at TWO of the 73 stations. Wow – not.

Coffee
US: Sit down and enjoy.
UK: Have a cuppa! (Or would you rather a tea?)
Italy: Take your time ordering say, an espresso – no, let’s actually, let’s make it macchiato– just a touch of milk like almost none – oh, and let’s make it stretto so it’s really strong, and please please PLEASE make it a vetro; I must drink my coffee in a tiny glass cup. Then measure the precise amount sugar in and stir up to 45 turns.

Have I missed anything? Let me know.