For reasons that are not completely clear at the moment, I decided that Bruna performing at Covent Garden was a good idea. If you don’t know who Bruna is, see below:

She’s a character that I’ve performed off and on for many years and figures largely in the one woman show I did at last years’ Brighton Fringe. She not exactly shy, she gets excited by the littlest of things, she’s rather outrageous and I do often speak of her in the third person because when I perform her, she takes over. It’s kinda weird that way.

The audition is to be at the North Hall of Covent Garden. I get there ridiculously early. Finally, another performer shows up – Roland, he does impersonations, he tells me. We agree to go together to the restrooms to change so that when we come out we needn’t look like assholes alone. Assholes in company is always better. Roland changes into orange makeup, a cheesy blond wig and a baseball cap that says, “Make America Great Again.” I’ll let you figure it out.

After we all sign in, I am the first called up to audition (recall I came ridiculously early). I start sweeping ‘cuz that’s Bruna’s thing — the broom is like an extension of her arm. I make an audience member – a magician, also on hand to audition – lift up his legs so I can clean under the bench. Then I stroke his bald head and say: “I no gotta clean dis, hits halready so shiny! Beautif!”

I tell the audience about killing my husband by accident. Everyone laughs, in part, I imagine because of Bruna’s extremely heavy Italian accent. (“Hima kill ‘im by axe.”) Then Bruna gets distracted by a “vedi ‘ansome guy” walking by and starts flirting with him and walks off the stage. Then I come back and get everyone to sing, Give Peace a Chance and I give out small pieces of pizza. Get it?: “Give pizza chance.”  Goofy, I know and Bruna gets a real kick out of doing it. Lots of laughs and the head guy – a performer himself, says he could have watched Bruna for an hour. We each got only 3 minutes.

After me, there are two musicians, a singer, the aforementioned magician, Roland’s Trump (a lot of people stopped to watch that) and a guy who seems a bit out of it who sings badly/ mumbles the national anthem of a Eastern European country. At least that’s what I think he said.

Next step is getting some passport-sized photos together for the Buskers Pass and public liability insurance.

What the hell am I doing?